Can't You Break My Head and Not My Heart?
by Hitora and imnotevil13
Summary: The hardest thing, from being a lover of a celebrity, was when you have to hide your relationship with them. A story where Newt had to deal with breaking heart because of his Tommy.


Original story and author by imnotevil

A TMR (The Maze Runner) Fan Fiction

 **Available on AO3 with a same title**

 **#Grammar mistakes corrected by myself, please tell me it there's still any mistake.**

.

Pairing : Thomas x Newt, a slight Minho x Newt if you squint

Rating : T

Genre : Hurt/Comfort

Tags : Writer!Newt, Celebrity!Thomas, Professional Runner!Minho, Happy ending, English is not my native language.

.

A/N: "Another fic inspired by music, just like the others. I'm back with another story from my newest Fandom, which didn't contain any major character death, finally. Once again I assure this isn't a songfic since I didn't use the lyrics but purely only how the music sound. If you know _Hitora_ , and ever read her fic called _The Actor_ , she ever mentioned that we've made a collab about this story. The thing is, the story completely different but the plot is the same: being a lover of a celebrity. I know nothing about how all of my characters in this story should life, I mean, them being what they are. I'm sorry if there's any mistake. But I'll say, happy reading everyone, and let's celebrate New Year with some angst with a happy ending!"

"The title is from _Charlie Puth_ 's song called _How Long_."

.

.

 **Can't You Break My Head and Not My Heart?**

.

Newt knew that Thomas was a fighter since the first day they met. There was no shyness nor wary in every Thomas' attempt to woo Newt. He was just like a hero from a children's book. A stupid warrior with his sword trying so hard to finish his quest to claim the princess in the tower. He always glances a hopeful eye at him, flirting openly, always manage to at least touching his hand when he had a chance. He kept pushing his feeling to Newt, always visited his apartment at his every free time. Sometimes using his sister, Teresa, as an excuse to visit every meet and greet each time Newt launching his newest books.

It took almost four whole months for Newt to finally surrender. And the man never once giving up on him.

The hardest thing, from being a lover of a celebrity, was when you have to hide your relationship with them. For the sake of their reputation. You have to prevent yourself from telling the world to whom that person belongs to, you have to keep your jealousy at bay each time you heard a gossip about them. Or when you find people's opinion about their closeness to someone, saying just how perfect they are for each other when the fact is, they're yours. Not someone else's.

It's hard. Newt knew that. It's almost eating him alive one time. Made him decided to give up their relationship, to came back to his previous life: the life he ever had long before he met that man. But once again, the said man didn't know the meaning of giving up. He kept rejecting Newt's idea, he even suggests to giving up his career, which only drives Newt mad from hearing it.

Knowing he had no chance of winning, Newt then gives him his conclusion.

It was something like, "Okay, Tommy, let's give it another try. I'm just too bloody in love with you to let you go, actually." He smile at that, and he wished it wasn't a sad one. "And, uh, well, you are an actor, so we can't help it. Of course I always had this funny feeling when I saw you kissing someone. But, well, it's your job, right? And you can't just throw it away like that. It's my risk for accepting you as my partner. But, please, don't you ever play with me Tommy. Please don't betray me. I'll try to accept all of you and your world – but please, don't mess with me."

Thomas answered him with a breathless promised and pampering him all night long with a swore under his oath that he ' _will never ever let go of my precious angel_ ,' he said.

Three years into their relationship, the couple still manages to hide it from any prying eyes. It was only them who close who know the truth. People only assume they were just a close friend. Who always hang out together, like the other was their family instead of just an ordinary friend. Though sometimes, they posted a suggestive post just for fun, people never thought it was a real deal. Everything went smoothly, with some arguing and bickering on here and there like an old married couple, but they always survived the test and continuing their relationship like before.

Even Newt gets used to the jealousy and the uncomfortable feeling each time he saw Thomas on a set with someone. He just ignored it, especially if it was the adult scene he had to deal with. It's just an act, he always reminds himself. Thomas had promised him back then. And they had made an agreement with each other.

But things had gone pretty ugly for Newt these past days. The hurting ankle, the deadline for his book, the deadline for his another book with a completely different genre, the constant argue he had with Thomas.

It wasn't a common thing for them to get on each other's throat that intense. Maybe it's because of his own problem. Maybe it's because Thomas himself wasn't in his perfect condition: dealing with the press, dealing with his role in his newest film, dealing with anything Newt didn't even know it exist. But the thing is, their shouts and argues had driven both of them crazy. It's just another obstacle, Newt always thought, just another quest from God to prove the world just how strong their relationship is. Yes, they had stopped talking to each other since Friday – it was four days ago, but they always found their own sanctuary in their own silent to calm themselves. Because being separated will bring common sense back to their thick skull to realise just how much they mean to each other. That's what they always do when they argued. Though it was the longest day they didn't talk to each other after some quarrel, Newt sure this time will also end with the same ending. Like always.

So that night, after dealing with his editor, Newt take his time to stop by at the local bakery just by the station to buy Thomas' favorite cake. A little gift to accompany him to make up with his Tommy. It was their unsaid tradition to always ask for forgiveness to each other. Whether it was his or Thomas' fault was the reason for their quarrel, they won't stay silent, waiting for the other party to say sorry. Instead, they'll seek for the other party to say their sorry. That's why, though to be honest Newt already forgot the reason why they fought that day, this day he decide to meet Thomas in his apartment because he know Thomas was busy with his schedule to make his own trip to Newt's place.

He tightened his coat as he stepped out from the bakery and heading straight to Thomas' place. The weather was getting colder though it only in the middle of October.

It wasn't the first time Newt visiting Thomas' place. The brunette had given him his spare keys in case Newt wants to come over though he wasn't at home. So instead of knocking the door, the blonde just simply used the key and stepped inside. Placing his coat, but stopped midway from taking off his shoes when he saw another pair of shoes at the entrance.

A pair of woman's shoes. A shoes which not Brenda's, Thomas' manager.

A staggered breath escaped from Newt's lungs but he wants to stay positive. He had to stay positive. Maybe it's just a colleague from his new movie. Maybe she's here just to talk about their act or something realted to their job. Maybe, maybe she just –

The box which contains Thomas' cheesecake slipped from his hand and landed with a soft yet loud enough thud. Surprising the pair who just make out in the living room to jump from each other – the man, not the woman – and raising their head to the source of that noise. There, stood in the middle of the living room was Thomas, bared chested, looking at Newt with a confused expression which followed later by horror draining his face. While the woman, whoever she was, still sitting on the couch glaring dagger at Newt, obviously annoyed.

' _Oh_ ' was something only pronounces from Newt's lips before he turned his heels back to the front door. He heard Thomas' shouting his name but he didn't give a damn anymore. Not even his cake. And if it's not because of his trembling hands which slowing him from taking his shoes, he would successfully escape from Thomas' grip. Which then spun him around making them face to face.

"Don't touch me." It suprises him just how steady his voice sounded. Though it was a little weaver at the end, but at least he manages to keep himself from shouting.

"Newt, it's not like what you think."

"I don't even sure you know what I thought, Thomas." He watches when Thomas' face fell. "Now let go of me."

"No. No – Newt, baby, let me explain." He tightened his grip. "That's, that's not – we just –"

"What? Practicing your role?" he slapped Thomas' hands, stepped backward ready to leave. "You bloody said it yourself, that you promised you won't ever touch anybody – outside the filming set – in that way ever again. And now I feel sorry for myself for believing."

"Newt wait! It's not entirely my fault, okay? I don't know what she did to me. It's not – it's not supposed to be like this! We just talked, about our upcoming series. And then – " he stopped, had no idea how to continued because everything after that was just a blur. A blur because he didn't know why he let that woman seduce him despite just how sober he was.

"That explain everything." Newt pushed Thomas this time. Hard enough, it nearly made the brunette fall back. He opened the door and stepped outside, but before he closed it, he said, "You know what? I came here to mend our relationship. Because I love you so much I don't want to lose you. Shame on me we are not on the same page anymore."

Newt heard when the door opened again as he ran down the corridor, he heard it when Thomas shouting his name with his desperate voice. But it was too much for Newt to face. It's enough, he thought as he ran from that place and swore to himself to not go back ever again.

.

.

Morning hit him like a truck. Every single inch of his body aching.

Newt's head felt heavy and he could barely open his swollen eyes. Obviously spending overnight crying was not the best idea ever. Moreover the dull pain from his ankle had force Newt back to limping each time he tried to walk. He rolled, burying his face on that mountain of pillows before groaning loudly when all of his joints popped as he stretch.

And definitely not screaming when someone calling his name.

"Shit Minho!" Newt had a strange mix of angry and happy when he saw that familiar Asian face. Who leaned on his doorframe with arms crossed and shitty grin never left his face. "How can you get in? Wait, no. Don't answer that. Just leave it. Just pretend I said nothing." He grunted once before finally got up and limping to the bathroom muttering, "Should have locked the bloody door from inside." But he silently thanked Minho for not saying anything, at least.

Newt emerged from his bathroom after he could not bear to see his face in the mirror any longer. Because he looks so wrecked, and hideous was far too soft to describe him. He saw no Minho anymore in his bedroom, but the constant _clang!_ at his kitchen and the smell of breakfast told him enough where his best friend was. Newt cursed his limp as he walked to Minho.

"So," Minho began when Newt stood beside him, watching the scramble eggs with tired eyes, "What happen?" The silent answer he got nearly made him uncomfortable. He was about to backpedal when that blonde sighing then leaves. Sat on the counter.

"I've text you."

Minho can't help from frowning. Recalling the short message he got last night, which, if he's not wrong, saying something like ' _It's just the matter of the time for my fear to come true. I'm so screwed, Min. We broke up._ ' "Oh."

"Yeah."

"No, I mean, what's the cause?"

Newt sighing again, slumped over the table and breath deeply. Building back his strength to tell Minho the story.

The guy listened carefully as Newt start. Though his hands full of task, his ears and mind never leave every single words his best friend said. He hummed once or twice and fell silent as Newt stop. Whose now tries his best to not chocked from the heat when he swallowed his food.

Minho gulped once, weighing whether he should said it or not. But then he chose the former. "Do you still love him?"

"I'm tired, Min."

"But – "

"I can't do this anymore."

"Okay." They continued eating in silence, or more like Newt eat while Minho just sat in there watching the blonde. He cleared his throat to get an attention before saying, "Is it official?"

"Well if it isn't then I'll make it."

"Huh," he got up, grabbing Newt's empty plate to wash it. "Well, I don't want to sound nasty to you Newt, but you know I also know Thomas and I swear that guy won't give up if it's about you."

"I'm aware of that."

"What are going to do if he show up?"

"Ignore him?" Minho scoffed. "What? You have a better idea?"

The Asian guy fell silent for a moment as he dries up. Then turned around sitting on his hip. "You didn't mean it when you said you'll make it official, right?" Newt hesitated before nodding. "Can you forgive him?" another pause before that blond hair shake. Minho sighed at that.

"I'm not a good boyfriend, right? Getting jealous so easily."

"Well, no. I don't think so. You are great and Thomas was a dick for doing that."

"Oh, I don't need your sweet talk."

"No, I really meant it. I can't believe you can still keep your relationship thus far."

"Like I said, we've made a promised." ' _Which he broke last night_ ' was left unsaid but he know Minho thought the same thing.

Minho sighed again before stood up, "You know what? Forget it. Let's not think about it. Wanna see some movie?"

That honestly caught him off guard. But Minho was Minho so it's not a strange thing for him being that, _random_. "I – I don't think so."

"Oh come on mate, don't waste your time mourning like this. Life still goes on no matter how shitty it is. And now I feel weird from being all wise." He grinned when Newt scoffed. At least, that Brit didn't lose any sense to smile.

"What movie?"

"I've got this new war-theme movie from Ben two days ago. Planning to watch it with you though."

"Uh-huh. Who's the director? Mr. Boom again?"

"Uh no. It's Christoper Nolan this time, but Ben assures me that this one will as much interesting as that Benghazi movie, but in a complete different way."

"Okay then, I'll bite."

"Awesome!"

The film turned out pretty awesome. So intense it caught Newt's attention he forgot about his sadness. "I'm so stupid for missing it from the theater," he whisper. Minho aswered with with a quiet ' _yeah_ ' before they went back silent. Completely absorbed in the movie.

Almost two hours later, the credit began to roll and he found both himself and Minho didn't make any move. Newt turned to watch Minho whose eyes still glued to the screen, blinking once before returning the gaze.

"That movie really is something, Min."

"Yeah. And I should thank Ben when I met him." Minho said with a firm nod, then finally got up from the couch.

"Still, not really fancy with the ending though."

"Why?"

"That pilot, he deserves a better ending."

"Yeap, but also I know you said that because you like him."

"Well, I can't argue that." Minho snorted then continued searching another movie. They fall in yet another silent as Newt slumped even deeper on the couch, his eyes never leave his best friend. "Hey Min."

"Yeah?"

"Why don't you fall in love with me?"

Minho scoffed. "If I do, would you love me back?"

"I always do, don't I?"

That made the guy snorted in amusement. "You just brain-dead. Is BvS okay? It's the ultimate edition," he asked, ignoring Newt's protest, "I take that as a yes then." Minho then flopped back beside Newt who pouted, he swat Minho's hand when he tried to ruffled that blond hair. It was when the scene picturing Afleck scaring the hell out of two polices when ideas popped up inside his mind. He glances to Newt who still frowned, but completely drown in the movie, slowly reaching out his hand, Minho carefully touched Newt's chin and guided their face to come closer. He had to prevent his laughter when Newt's eyes rounded in horror, and broke off laughing his ass off when he being pushed hard enough he fell from the couch.

"The hell Minho?!"

"Sorry mate," a snort, "I just – you," another laugh escaped, "You said you'll love me!" then he broke on another roll of laugh.

"Oh well, I'm sorry! It turned out I'm wrong, okay?" He threw a pillow at Minho's face who didn't even try to dodge. "Now you ruin the movie."

"Sorry, I'm so sorry. Let's rewind that."

"You better do that. And don't touch me," he warned when Minho flumped back beside him. There's no harm behind his word and he knows Minho had known him too much to notice that. That's why it wasn't strange when that runner guy only grinned in response before pressing the rewind button.

Though it wasn't all sunshine and rainbows, at least that black haired guy had brought the blue sky back to Newt. Minho stays until seven that day, mostly to entertain that blonde or messaging that aching ankle. He went home only after he assure that Newt was fine. Well, at first, he insisted to stay over that night, but Newt refuses him by telling him about his morning practice and how he must attend that because he had taken the day off this morning.

"I know you care about me, thanks for that, but I don't want to be the reason Alby skin you alive tomorrow."

Minho laughed at that.

To say that his mood has lightened a little bit wasn't wrong. He took a longer bath after bidding his goodbye to Minho. This time, though, he didn't forget about his second lock just in case someone taboo chose to come and bark in like what Minho did this morning. And speaking of someone taboo, Newt realizes that he didn't check his phone that whole day.

Checking his phone was the last thing Newt want to do since he woke up this morning. He just didn't want to risk his sanity finding an unwanted ID. Hell, he even stubbornly tells Minho to not turning on his telly. But now, mood brighter thanks to Minho, and mind fresher thanks to his hot bath, Newt turned his phone back to the general mode as he believes that he's ready to face yet another day.

It literally fifty missed call and overly thirty seven new messages beeping from his phone. And most of all, came from Thomas. That guy had called him almost every second with nearly ten minutes range and only stopped at one p.m.. If Thomas had tried to contact Minho, he should've thanked that runner for not bring it up on his last visit. He deleted all of Thomas' messages without even read them and patiently opening ten messages left one by one which come from Minho and, of course, his editor.

A tiny smile crept on his face when he put that phone back on top of the nightstand. Just a prove that he felt better than last night. And hopefully, still will be for this night. Because just a moment after he turned off all of the lamps, ready heading to the bed, he heard a knock from the front door.

Which followed later by, "Newt, it's me, Thomas." A pause, "I'm sorry for everything. I know you still awake, please let me in, I want to talk with you."

Newt stood in the dark living room, eyes watching the door with wary and anger spinning inside his chest. He was about to leave when he heard another knock and another plead from Thomas. Though he hesitated for a moment, Newt finally chose to approaching the door and stood solid at there. Placing his hand in there and took a deep breath before saying, "Please just leave."

"Newt!" there's certainly a hint of happiness in Thomas' voice, which somehow irritated Newt to the core. "Baby it's me. I'm sorry I'm so sorry, please let me explain Newt. Please I beg you –"

"Leave, Thomas!" he didn't even realize he had slammed the door until he felt a sharp pain in his hand, along with his head and his heart. There was a pause before he heard shuffling from the other side.

"Newt. I know how angry you are. I'm so stupid for letting that happen, okay? It's all my fault. Please Newt let me see your face. I promise I won't take any step inside, so please, open the door," there was a pause again before Thomas continued with shaky voice, "I miss you."

Newt bites his lips as another internal battle marching inside his gut. A strange feeling of a mix of anger, disappointed, sad, longing and also – strangely – a slight of happiness. He counts to ten, not really listening to what Thomas said next, before took a deep breath and opening that door. Showing a messy Thomas – eyes bloodshot, nose running, bag under his eyes and hair like a bird nest – stood in front of him.

He had to bite back his own guilty when he saw Thomas' face fell even deeper when that guy tried to touch him and he couldn't help from flinched. Though he just as touch-starving as Thomas does, somehow his body chose to reject any contact from that brunette. Newt stubbornly closes his mouth.

"Newt, it's my fault, okay? She was the one who starts it, but it's also my fault because I let it happen. I'm sorry Newt. I just – I've missed you so much! Not seeing you after we fought, and all of this, constant torture I had to face after that, it drives me nuts! I can't think clearly and that, bitch, kept telling me stories about you like she knows you and –" Thomas chocked on his sob, "And I shouldn't have listened to her because it upset me even more. But I'm too stupid to listen to myself and I let that – "

"Thomas."

" – witch poisoning me with stories about you, saying that – "

"Thomas stop."

" – you have an affair behind me, but turned out I was – "

"Thomas please stop."

" – the one who betrays you, and I'm so screwed I don't – "

"Tommy!" he shout. Grabbing that collar to shock some sense back to that brunette. Now filled only with anger and frustration Newt decide to splitted out everything which come to his mind, "Stop your rambling you slinthead, and listen to me." He let go off Thomas who stumble a little. Newt sighed deep, rubbing his face harshly and groaned before starting, "We all both stupid, okay? I should have known something happen when you didn't make any contact after we fought. I just kept thinking maybe you still busy with your job or something, never once I thought something like that would happen."

"Neither do I. Newt, please believe me, I always tried to contact you, but I always thought maybe you still didn't want any interruption okay? That's why – "

"Believe me Thomas, I know," he sighed, "Now please leave me alone."

"What? But Newt, I thought – "

Something snapped inside Newt's head. "You thought what? That I forgive you?! Shit Thomas I don't even know what we are anymore because I still can't wipe out that image out of my mind!"

"What we are – Newt, what do you mean?"

"I don't know Tommy! I don't bloody know, okay? I always have this feeling that you'll leave me someday. Why? Because you're not a hundred percent gay like me!" Newt's last shout echoed through the corridor. They stood like that for a couple of minutes both with harsh breath. Newt didn't know how's he looks like, the thing he knows was his chest tightened almost make him suffocated and his head pounding hard enough he sure it will explode sooner or later.

Thomas, on the other hand, looked so pale and broken. Like he was being told that tomorrow won't ever come because the world will collapse in a ten second period. "Newt, please not again. How many times should I tell you how much I won't ever let you go? How much for you to understand that I will love you no matter what? Newt – "

"Leave."

"But baby."

He slammed shut the door.

He was being ridiculous. He knew that. He knew enough how much Thomas loves him, willing to go all black and blue only for him, how much that brunette threat him like a precious Newt was. But the thought of Thomas will finally, definitely, leave him had haunted him even since the first day he accept that man as his partner. Having a straight partner was a mistake. Newt was the first male lover Thomas ever had, that's why when he saw that man make love to a woman, knowing that curvy still fascinating him, and realize that the brunette did that under no spell of a script; Newt saw the ending before he can do anything.

Tears flow like a dam had broken. With shaky legs Newt walked to his couch and collapse. Sobbing uncontrollably while his mind recalling again every memory he had with Thomas.

Newt lay motionless until two hours later, until clock said it's already a quarter to midnight. No sleep, just laying at there staring blankly at his ceiling. He kept turning and sighing as if something bothering his mind, which didn't happen last night when he mourning his life. Something really does not seem right. Then he remembers Minho, about what that guy said this morning, about how Thomas won't ever give up if it's about him. Will Newt's fear come true? Because there's no way that brunette still stay in front of his door. Because, a fighter or not, there's no way he could survive the coldness only with his thin jacket and Levi's. Definitely no. But the uneasy feeling forcing Newt to get up, ignoring his gross face, and walked to the door.

He saw nothing from the peephole, a mix of relief and disappointment feeding his ego. But when he tiptoes a little bit, his heart stop. Because he swore he saw a top of a head.

Which was too familiar for him to miss it.

His hand trembled when he tried to unlock the door, too many emotions overwhelmed him to describe it one by one. Then, as he manages to open the door, Newt squad in front of Thomas, who leaning against the wall breathing shallow but even. Sandwiching Thomas' face with both hands, Newt gasped when he feels just how cold Thomas was. Those eyes were closed, his lips turned slightly blue and there's a dry stream on his cheeks. The only thing which probably kept him alive was the grey blanket Newt had no idea from where it came from, but he sure he ever saw it before.

Swaying from the balcony next to his room when his neighbor dry it in the sun.

 _Oh._

"Thomas." He tried to wake that brunette, shake him off a little. "Thomas wake up. Thomas." There's still no response and Newt began to panic. "Tommy please. Please open your eyes." Tears began to form again, blurring his vision with a pool of salty water. He was about to get up and call a paramedic when Thomas groaned.

Twice, before he opened his eyes.

"Hi angel. You look like someone I know," he said with a grin and raspy voice.

"Thomas that's not funny."

"Am I dead? Newt hasn't forgiven me, I can't die now."

That's when Newt realizes that guy wasn't completely awake. His eyes still unfocus. "Thomas wake up, it's me, Newt."

"Newt?"

"Come on Tommy, let's get inside." With a grunt Newt lifted them up, supporting Thomas with his body. Broken ankle will be damned. He let the tears roll down but he refuses to let out any sob. Just breathing heavily from his mouth. But when he almost reaches the doorframe, Thomas jerked as if Newt was burning. To say that the motion didn't upset Newt was a lie.

Thomas stood with round eyes watching Newt in disbelieve. But before the blonde could say any word, Thomas pulled him into a breathtaking hug.

"Newt I'm sorry."

Newt was still too shock to answer.

"Please forgive me Newt, please don't break up with me," he tightened his embrace.

"Just, get inside first," he said, pushing Thomas so he could lead that brunette inside. "Why are you still here?" he asked while locking the door, back facing Thomas. Though he wasn't a hundred percent forgiving Thomas, he wasn't someone who let people shivering to death, especially not in front of his own house. When he heard no answer, Newt turned back only to find Thomas stood not far from him with blank face. "Thomas, you okay? Thom – "

Newt coudn't finish anything he was about to say because Thomas had pinned him to the door. Their face was so close with nose almost touching. Breathing in a same air. And when Newt opened his mouth to say something, Thomas kissed him.

Hard.

As if his life depended on it.

Newt squirmed, trying to get loose. But that guy was more well build than him though he was a slightly shorter than Newt. They separated only a moment to catch some breath before Thomas continued ravishing his mouth. His right hand leaves Newt's to grab that blond locks while the other leave to sneak behind Newt's waist to pull him even closer.

"Wait – Thomas!" he tried to push that guy when Thomas began attacking his neck. "Thomas – No! No! Wait!" Thomas began sucking his earlobe which drew a gasp from Newt. "I said wait!" with a hard pull on that short hair, Newt manage to break away from Thomas and pushing him far enough. "What the hell is wrong with you?!"

"I can't help it, okay?!" he shout with body trembling, either it was from the cold, or from many emotions he felt right now. "I can't think straight! My head full of you and you are here and, and," he groaned, burying his face with both hand and swearing out loud. "I miss you, Newt. I miss your touch, your voice, everything!" he breathes hard, "Please don't break up with me. Please. I swear I won't do that ever again. I won't betray you again. I swear Newt. You can take my life if I broke it. Toss me to the street or anything. But please don't break up with me." He began to sob.

A heavy atmosphere hung up above them. The air was so thick it can be cut by a knife. Neither of them makes any move or tried to say something. Thomas still sobbing, regularly using his sleeves to wipe his tears while Newt just stood in there watching everything but the guy in front of him. Until, some minutes later, Newt decides to break the silence.

"You know," he pauses to gain some attention from Thomas. "Though we back together again, it won't be the same anymore." A nod. "You know I can't forget that easily. Though how much I want to, I won't be able to get rid that image, nor this thing that keep repeating inside my head."

"I'm sorry."

"So now what? Back to square one?"

"What? No, Newt. I – "

"I didn't mean to break up with you," he walked to Thomas who dumbfounded. "Tommy, when I said that I want to mend our relationship yesterday, that's still true today. Yes, I'm angry with you. And the feeling of being betrayed was so hurt I can't think clearly. But now I want to come back to that day, when I want us to be together again. That's what I mean."

"I, Newt, I'm sorry." Thomas hesitant before finally placing his hands on Newt's waist. He took a deep breath, then resting their forehead together. It's been a while since they breath on each other scent like this. And it really made them famished. "Can I, you know."

Newt didn't give an answer, he just smiled once before leaning closer to touch that lips. It's far gentler than their previous kiss. This kiss just pure longing and relief. He can taste Thomas' sorry each time they met again after some breath. Describing how they feel perfectly. After it seems of eternity, they pulled far enough to still able to resting on each other's forehead. Body as close as one.

It was Thomas who laughed first. Only a huff, but enough to contaminate Newt to follow. They are chuckling between their kisses. With sometimes Thomas still whispering his sorry.

.

.

Newt woke up to the sound of running taps. It took several minutes for his brain to understand who was there and what happen last night. He had a strange feeling telling him that last night something unpleasant happen, but when his mind kicking back, everything makes sense. A smile crept up on his face when he turned to lay on his stomach as his memories played back last night's event.

Some minutes later, after wondering why Thomas didn't come out of the bathroom, Newt decides to follow. And what greeted him had woke him for sure. "What happen?" he said from the doorframe, watching Thomas who stood in front of the sink hissing each time he touch his lips.

"Minho happen."

"Minho?"

"He took a visit when you still sleeping. And the first thing he did when I opened the door was hitting me straight in the face." He frowned while Newt laughs.

"And I thought that guy didn't give a damn about my feeling."

"Meaning?"

"Yesterday's event."

Thomas is bitting his lips – and immediately regret it – before saying, "You sure Minho didn't have any feeling for you?"

"Huh? What feeling?"

"You know, you've been friends with him since God knows when. He is the one who always – "

"Tommy, is that what that woman told you?" suddenly the porcelain sink became interesting to Thomas. "Oh my God. And you believe her?"

"Newt, look, I wasn't on my perfect shape, okay? I always brush off her bulshit but she kept saying that to me."

"Okay," he said with a sigh. "Let's not talk about it anymore, okay Tommy? You know who Minho is and you said it yourself that he is the only person you can trust."

"Yeah, I did."

"He's nothing but a brother to me, alright?" he got a nod as an answer. "Now come on, let me help." This, bring brightness back to Thomas face.

They have done ten minutes later. After Newt making sure there was no other cuts on Thomas' lips or any broken teeth and then kissed him better, Newt told Thomas to leave first since he had to do some bathroom stuff. Reminding Thomas to return Aris' – Newt's neighbor – blanket first. And of course, since it was Thomas who made their breakfast, he greeted by a smell of choco-banana pancake when he came out later.

"There's something I want to tell you," was what Thomas said when they sat together at the counter, eating their food. When Newt gave him a 'go on' gesture, he continued, "I've told Brenda that I'll stop acting, temporary," he add when Newt raising his eyebrow. "Yesterday I planned to see you but I have to mend the mistake I've made. I can't work with that woman anymore. Thanks God it's still the beginning of our season so it's alright if I cancel the contract. Still, I have to take two or three episodes before they would completely fire me. And that's all, that's the last act I'm going to make until, well, Brenda was kindly enough to give me a four month break... Um, Newt, you okay?"

"Brenda said yes?" Thomas' nod made it feel even weirder. "She allow you?"

"Well, since she's my manager, she sort of, know, about our incident. She scolded me every time she opened her mouth, if you wonder, and told me that I better use my free time fixing my wrong."

"Oh," he took another bite, "That's explained."

"There's something else, though."

Newt perked from his pancake, looking at Thomas who hesitate in front of him. He looks like a boy who just broke grandma's vase and about to confess. "What have you done?"

"Uh, you know, our relationship, we, uh, keep it from people, right?"

"Uh-huh."

"And, uh, this morning, I accidentally, doing something about that." He literally shrinks when Newt squints his eyes, "Maybe you want to check your phone?"

Still with squinted eyes never leave Thomas, Newt got up then walked to his bedroom, grabbing his phone at the nightstand. Minho's message was the first thing he found, saying something about morning visit, an apology for ruining Thomas' face but at least he felt ever better after doing that, and something which said, ' _Finally mate! I'm so glad you both chose to make it public! No more sexual tension I had to face each time we hang out together then. Awesome! But please don't make out in front of me, I warn you._ '

"Huh?" the words ' _make it public_ ' really caught Newt's attention he nearly didn't realize Minho's entire message. But when he opens his tweeter, it's all crystal clear. There were a hell lot of notifications and DM on his account, mostly from fans while the others were from his fellow writer or celebrities. He clicks one random tweet which contains a link to Thomas' tweet and nearly dropped his phone.

There was a picture of him, sleeping, with Thomas scooping from behind smiling a tired smile but full of joy and happiness. It had a tag saying, ' _Having my angel back after a big fight. He's just too precious to lose._ '

Closing the picture, Newt found a tweet from Thomas that would change his life forever.

" _Yes. We have been together for almost four years now. I'm not joking. Newt is mine as I am his. Sorry for keeping it hidden from you guys."_ Along with that tweet, another photo was taken with Thomas planted a cheesy kiss on his lips. He smiled while the still sleeping Newt has a slight smile as well.

Newt turned when he heard someone cough.

"I was about to post it after we talk about it," he smile sheepishly, "Turned out my hands wasn't in sync with my mind." When there was no answer from Newt, and the blonde just stood in there with a blank face, Thomas started to feel uneasy. He was going to apologize when suddenly Newt was in his hands and kissed him deeply.

"Thanks Tommy," he said when they break apart, "Now we don't have to pretend to be just friend in public anymore," and he kissed him again.

.

.

A/N: "So what's song inspired me this time? I've been plotting to write this story since million years ago. It was somewhere around 2014 when I randomly playing my mp3 and found this music: _Haru Haru_ from _Big Bang_. And me being myself, like always, I sort of, using my pair (which that time was Thorin x Bilbo) as an MV for this music. Well if you wonder, I'm neither a fans nor a haters of Korean culture. It's just, apparently my music tolerance is bigger than I think. But not only that, I've used the music from _Jaymes Young_ 's _Moondust_ and _I'll Be Good_ to help me building the angsty mood. I think that's all, let's meet again in another story. Happy New Year everyone!"


End file.
